The Healing  Hetalia Liet x Russia
by yuria-chin
Summary: What is it in him that I want to help? Where does the hate stop and the love begin? Is The person I hate still the person I hate after I've healed him... Or has he changed, into the person I love?


I rested my hand on the doorknob. Knocked three times and then counted to five, giving him time to prepare. Slowely I opened the door. Russia was sitting in a large chair it's back facing the door but I could see his feet underneath it.

"ah, Lithouania, please massage my feet, da?"

That voice of his was always so sweet. A kind and almost shy voice he has. The last thing you'd expect that at the other side of the chair would be a giant of a man. His voice is always kind even if he is hurting someone.

He is my master. How did I ever let myself fall ito his hands I often wonder. I guess it never really was a choise. Often oh so often I'm plagued by memories of life at my house. Together with Poland. In my house there were days when the sun would shine. Here at Russia's house the sun seems a distant memory.

As I walk around the chair I see his large boots kicked of and he is warming his feet by the fire. He has very ugly feet. They are large and knobly. One of his nails is black and dead another is completely caved...I don't want to massage those feet!

Still him asking something like that. I realise that I've been staring and it isn't in my place as a servant to do so.

I'm lucky Ivan seems sleepy and still his kind self.

From time to time each one of us baltic states gets called to serve Ivan apart from our daily chores. Sometimes that gets very bad. I remember that Latvia had been missing three full days after tending the master. Me and Estonia were really getting worried. He killed him this time, we thought. We had all kinds of images of Latvia being somewhere out there in the freezing cold completely abandoned. We dared not ask the master what had happened to Latvia, he just went trough the house happy and cheerfull. Tough he sometimes asked if we managed the chores around his big cold house without Latvia. His face would smile but his eyes told us that he knew more than us. We didn't dare to ask what had happened to our youngest companion so we just admitted that it was hard work but that we managed.

After three full days we suddenly found Latvia... He stumbled out of the masters quarters looking like that place was hell. Maybe this entire house is hell.

We welcomed him back and nusred him back to health but he never spoke of what had happened. I guess we will never know.

Afterwards I've always dreaded being alone with my master, afraid that I might come to know.

Still lately I've been wondering if we aren't all mistaking, I do have seen sadness and maybe maliciousnes in my masters eyes but he could also see that when looking into mine. For I am sad, always. I miss my home and my friends. When I look upon the man who took me away from Lithauanias green feelds, it's flowing hills, who took me to the siberian cold. I guess there must be menace in my eyes too. Still I'm not wicked. I'm kindhearted, maybe he is too.

I smile at him and pat his shoulder before I sit down and take those frost bitten feet into my lap. One moment he makes eye contact, his face doesn't smile but his eyes do, then his head lols down again and he continues staring at the fire. My back is pleasantly warmed by the fire.

We do keep fires in the servants quarters but the halways tend to get insanely cold.

Russia suddenly shakes while I'm massaging his feet. As I look up tears are streaming from his eyes. I jump and stare at him from the ground.

"Why did you do that Lithouania?"

His voice is still musical and ringing but now it sounds lamenting. I feel me trembling, where did I go wrong? I came in waited for orders, obeyed them...Was it the way I had looked at his feet? Was it really bad? Would he chastise me?

"Why did touch my shoulder like that?"

I look up at his face and see that the tip of his large nose is slightly red, he's been drinking! It's not long before I spot three empty bottles of vodka. Three! He emptied three, doesn't that kill a person?

"I, I'm s-sor-"

Wait. I'm acting like the others already. They appologise even if somebody shoves them. I didn't have that attitude when I arived. I always spoke when I had an oppinion. I mentioned to Russia that he couldn't keep Latvia awake after two in the morning because the jouth needed to grow still and thus needed sleep. Estonia and Latvia had both looked at me as if I was the one who was starking mad. Russia had thought about it a moment and then agreed with me but in the weekends Latvia was allowed to stay up. We discussed it like he was our child. Then cheerfull as always Russia had gone away. Latvia was very gratefull but asked me not to risk anything for him anymore, soon I learned that not all my ideas were recieved so kindly.

One day I propositioned that Russia shouldn't be bothering Poland. My old friend because it hurt me to see Poland hurt. It was then that I learned why the others feared Russia that much.

It happened more often. Still he seemed to hurt the others more than me. Like there was something in me that made me different from them. In the begining there was, but now I was about to sound just like them! I was about to appologise for something I didn't even knew I'd done wrong! Maybe he didn't hurt me because I didn't hurt him. Because I treated him like a person.

"J-just to make you feel at ease master."

Russia leaned over and stared at me, he was still crying. I suddenly felt I was right. Russia was somewhere deep down a person, a kindhearted person. The only reason he became that fearfull master is becasue everyone treated him like a fearfull master.

He floped out of the chair and unto the floor next to me. Master Russia sitting on the floor like a sad little wobble?

His hands reached out to me and I swallowed hard, they were trembling as they took me into an embrace that more resembeled a stranglehold. I remained silent without trembling tough I could feel the thin edge on which Russia was balancing, I could feel the cold rise from him.

"Neh, Lithauania, someone like you, shouldn't exist."

I feel his hands lock even tighter. It's getting hard to breathe, maybe he'll stop me from existing then...

"If you'll be like this, I'll start caring for you, if you'll be like this you'll see me!"

His voice is completely calm but what I can see from his face is a complete mess of tears and quivering lips that remind me of Latvia.

"No one ever stayed after seeing me! I can't bear it if you leave!"

I manage to raise my hands and place them on either side of his face. This man I hate, is the thing I'm seeing now. The man I love is the thing I'll see if I go on. My own thoughts shock me. This can't be right. I didn't say those words but even thinking them startled me.

Russia had become still and released me. He seemed to be in conflict. His hands came towards me again, he laid me down on the rug. He did it gentle but that was the frightning part.

"Toris, Ivan the terrible tels me to end you. He says that if you contnue to exist you'll hurt me and if you hurt me I'll be a dead men. If I tell him to go away you can reach me...What should I do?"

Russias large hands touched his face. It was because Russia had just said that part of him wanted to kill him that Lithauania knew this wasn't a lovers touch. Lithauania said nothing he just laid there waiting. Russias face suddenly changed. His eyes were wide and his mouth a grimass.

"Look at me Lithauania"  
Lithauania saw that one of the empty botles had found his way to Russias hands. He almost saw the bottle decend on him in slowmotion until the dull pain of being hit on the forehead broke the moment. The bottle broke and the sharp broken piece that was still in Russias hand was lifted again. This time the shard cut open his forehead and he felt blood run down his face.

"You hate me don't you Lithauania? I can see it in your eyes! I took everything you loved from you and gave you this...thing in return! Say you hate me! I'm hurting you right? You wouldn't care if I destroyed myself alongside with you! You'd kill me in my sleep right?"

Lithaunia could do nothing but sigh, it was he feared.

"Yes I hate the way you hurt me."

Russias face went still with hurt and anger.

"But I cannot hate you. The thing that's hurting me now is part of you but it's not you. The one who jokes around with the allies is part of you, yet it's not you. You are the one who cries when you're loved. You are the one whose sadness I can see. I don't fear you Russia, you're the one fearing me. And that is a shame, because I think, that if you weren't afraid of me, I could mend that hole in your chest."

Lithauania had spoken with a completely unmoved face. Yet each of the words came from the bottom of his heart. He had seen what was going on. It was all so easy once you've seen it. The earlier times Russia had hurt him was because the man was afraid to be hurt himself. He wanted Poland out of the way so that Lithaunia wouldn't have something to go home to and thus would stay.

The effects of his words on Russia were terrifing yet beautifull. Russia slowely removed his heavy coat, after that his scarf. He was slowly undressing while still pushing the still bleeding Lithauania to the ground. His face wasn't twisted anymore tough, nor was it smily or sad. It was completely blank. One moment it surprised Lithauania that under the heavy coat Russia wore delicate clothes, decorated with tiny pearls and lace. It must be from the time of the Romanovs...

Yet the delicate clothes dissapeared as wel untill nothing was covering Russias bare chest anymore, not even his beloved scarf Lithauania had never seen hem without before. Then Russia let Lithauania go, slowely he sat up still slightly light headed from the blows on his head. They sat in front of each other, Lithauania didn't even try to get away. The athmosphere was like a dellicate melody and any misplaced movement would be like someone banged the keys of the piano. Russia then placed his hand over the place where his heart was and as he slowely removed it Lithaunia could see. There it lay bare in Ivans chest. There was a gaping hole that became only visible when Russia wanted it to be. Lithauania gasped, the poor little thing seemed bruised and hurt, lying in a deep black hole of lonelyness. Russia seemed far away, he to seemed to have embraced the fact that this was his judgement day. Would his pain be over? Or would he perish in pain.

Lithauania was in awe, the trust it must've taken to do this. Wait he hated this man right? He couldn't be choosing for Russia right? If he attacked now sunny fields woudl be waiting! If he atacked now... he would hurt someone who asked him to love him and to forgive him. Home with Poland, or here mending old wounds.

It was so unfair. This really wasn't a choice anyone should be making!

He reached out, he didn't tremble. His fingers traced the outsides of the hole, he had already made his choise. Tough Russia had reason to fear him, he'd make those reasons go away. He'd probably declare himself crazy later but now he felt that this was what he should do.

He let his fingers touch the blackened meat, Ivan cringed a bit but to his surprise Lithauania saw healthy pink meat grow in it's place. It seemed as tough his touch was healing Russia. He let his other hand wander up to Russias face, he brushed away the stinging feeling he knew Russias tears would've left. He proped himself up on his knees He was going to do this, he was bold enough to do so. Then he felt it, his head got light and he was about to collapse. Strong arms caught him then. Russia...

Russia needed him to hold on, to continue the healing. Lithauania took hold of Russias shoulders. Slowely he brought his face closer to the other male. Russia was trembling but bravely holding on. Lithauania knew that if he scared Russia or if Russia simply couldn't hold on he would be slaughtered in the most terrible way. Ivan the terribles way.

His face was now close enough and both were steady enough.

Lithauania was close to the face he once didn't even dare to look at long. Yet now he did, he looked intense and decided that it was beautifull. He kissed Russias lips, he did it soft but sure.

Russia seemed startled.

"Why did you kiss me?"

The same question, yet this time Lithaunia knew his answer would have a different effect.

"To make you feel at ease."

Russia closed his eyes and leant back.

"I'm ready Toris."

Lithauania smiled upon the use of his name, he reached forward and took, as gentle as he could, Russias heart from his chest. It was beating in his hand, he felt the beat speed up as he raised it to his lips. He kissed it.

With the utmost care and precision he held it to his lips. One moment they were conected. Lithauania saw it then: Colorfull towers of the palace, the old houses, all the details and little corners of a beautifull place he saw. It was called Moskow.

He also saw what happened to Moskow: It burned, all the beauty got destroyed by Russias own hands. It was in order for Russia himself to survive that he had to hurt himself. That he had to create that twisted image of himself. Because he burned his heart, out of love for his people. He made a sacrifice no one understood.

In the end, Moskow was the heart of Russia.

As Lithauania moved away he saw it, certainly not all but some of the bruises were healed. As he regarded the owner of the heart he saw Russia in pure bliss. He carefully placed the heart back in place and Watched how it got accepted by the body. The hole closed and looked a lot healthier. Russias breath was heaving.

"Toris, I feel so many things now."

Lithauania stroked Ivans head.

"That's a good thing Ivan, a good thing."

The bright beam of sunlight that had bathed the room in white light all the time disapeared behind a cloud. It was only then that it occured to Lithauania that the room had been infact...sunny?

He turned to the window violently but nothing was different from usual. Yet the guilty bit of sunlight had left it's traces: He could see little pieces of grass showing between the snow. Maybe one day, Russia will have it's green fields too...

Lithauania was suddenly surprised by Russia pulling him into his lap and wispering into his ear:

"I don't wan't green fields Toris, I want sunflower fields."

This was followed by a soft laugh that Lithauania took as genuine. Wait, he hadn't voiced that thought!

"I saw it when you grazed my heart with the soft cares of the green fields of Lithauania."

That explained...His lips were the fields of lithauania.

How awkward. He suddenly felt ashamed that Russia had seen into his soul as well. Still that was only fair.

"I'm cold."

Did Ivan just complain about cold? The same Ivan who always forbade them to warm the servants quarters because they needed the wood for when the winter was at its highest? ( and honestly that argument sounds a whole less sensible if Latvias fingers were falling of because of the cold.)

Rusia got up but didn't put his clothes back on. Instead he walked towards his sleeping chambers and came back with the heavy embroided blanked wrapped around his shoulders. If anything he looked like a sleepy child. He sat back into his chair and beaconed Lithauania. Lithauanias steps were unsteady, apearently his head had taken some damage. Still he smiled as he walked towards Russia. Russia opened the tent of the blanket to him and Lithauania sat down onto his lap. Russias arms pulled the large cloth around them both. He felet warm and happy. He hadn't felt like this for so long he was about to cry. He couldn't even imagine how this would be for Russia. Then he felt a big nose shovel trough his hairs and a low chuckle. Russia wasn't moved at all, he was simple like that too. He wouldn't think about his happiness, he'd just enjoy it.

Then Lithauania felt sloppy kisses that were unmistakingly Russias kindest kisses be pressed on his ear. Russia was big and rough so he somehow wasn't fit for tiny things like that so his kisses were sloppy but that made them actually cute.

Lithauanias blood shot to his face. He heard Russia sigh in a happy way.

"I'm sorry Lyublyu, I'm still rather drunk."

Russia smiled, this was his 'fooling with everyone' smile and voice yet for once they seemed in place.

Russia didn't wait for answer and just pulled Lithauania closer and moved his hands up and down Russia's legs and torso a little. The kisses continued, Lithauania let out a sound when his neck was kissed as well. Embarassed he felt his entire face get red, that was the 'Polad quit doing that 'cause it feels too good' sound...And he let out his little squirm on Russia!

That was so wrong. He burried his face in his hand embarrased.

Russia simply responded by laughing at him softly.

"Sweet innocent Lithauania! I'm going to do that again! It's fun..."

Russia was so cheerfull, he hadn't been this drunk before but it was like he finally allowed the effects of the vodka to do something else than make him unstable.

Russias heavy breath on his face didn't smell nice, it smelled of vodka and the food of that evening, it didn't mind tough as soon as Russia was kissing his ear again and let his tongue dance over it.

Lithauania didn't fight back but instead let out another embarassed sound.

"That really tickles doesn't it Liet?"

Russia had to stop being all so cute! Lithauania felt an huge urge to kiss him and he knew how it would end up if he did and he wasn't sure if he was ready for 'that' he only recently stopped hating the man! Nevertheless he took hold of Russias face and tilted it.

"Let's see how you like it yourself!"

Lithauanias heart punded, he wasn't good at taking initiative but he slowely and, as teasingly as he could, ran only the tip of his tongue over Russias ear. Russias face was a mix between his signature smile and an surprised 'oh'.

Russia tried to push his face away in embarassement and went into the attack again. He kissed Lithauanias neck in a gentle way. He seemed to want to kiss it better. Lithauania remained still in this moment

Then a hot red shock went trough him als he felt a tongue dance over there. It was followed by soft nibbling and ultimately sucking. The sound that came out of Lithauania was a whole less squirmish now...This felt so good. His breath quickened. Russia looked up confused at Lithauania, why was that reaction so different? He kissed Lithauanias ear and saw little to no reaction but when he went to his neck again Lithauania let out a full fledged moan.

Could this be...An erogeneos zone? Lithauania clung to him with his eyes closed as Russia kissed again. Then Lithauania froze in his grip.

"Whats wrong Liet? Did I do it to hard?"

Lithauania shifted again and then he was sure, Russia was enjoying this as well. In all the wrong ways, he wasn't teasing him like poland always did...there was some evidence of that pressing against his leg this very moment. From pale Lithauania went to furiously red and tried to make up an excuse to leave now.

"I, uhm, no Russia it is like- You know, I'm sorry but."

Much more than that he couldn't master. He was being stupid! He had to get away now or he would deffinitely lose his...virginity.

Ok he just thought it and that made it real. It wasn't time for that yet! The fact that he himself was completely aroused shouldn't be motivation to throw it away so carelessly. He needed to get away and just masturbate somewhere else, that deffinitely was a better idea. On top of that he'd seen Russia before, the man was...huge.

That would most definitely hurt. He didn't feel like getting hurt even more today, also, thrusting to hard might upset his head and the last thing he wanted was to faint or puke during his first time. All these things were equally embarasing, he couldn't voice even one of them.

Russia looked at him and suddenly looked away embarassed as well.

"Hey Lithauania, I'm really drunk. I don't want to stop touching you, I want to touch you even more but...You can go now if you don't want me to. Yet if you don't go, I don't think I'll stop. But I'll be very kind! I will do it exactly the way you ask me to. Ah, I embarrased myself."

Russia looked to the side biting his thumb. He was really embarassed! It was a day of miracles. Russia looked at Lithauania like he waited for him to leave. Lithauania was going to leave but his eyes seemed glued to Russia. He gave himself the second mental punch of that evening but he had to decide, if he'd think to much he'd get a really bad headache. Lithauania sought out Russias neck and placed a kiss on it. Russia looked a little confused. Then Lithauania tried sucking it as well. Still nothing happened.

"Ah, it doesn't feel that weird...Why do you like it so"

Russia didn't seem to feel anything from a touch like that. Lithauania felt his strong fingers trail his neck in confusement and felt hot again. This was bad. Russia had found his weakness.

"Lithauania you're still here... So now I can tell you that that face you make is...Making me all weird."

Lithauania felt Russia deliberately breath on his neck. The little hairs al over his body rose. He had to grab himself hard not to cum. Shoot now it was to late. Russia stared at how Lithauania clutched himdelf grunting low. He matter of factedly opened his own pants and took himself out.

Lithauania stared at that thing. Oh god, Russia just showed it like it was nothing! Russia now opened Lithauanias pants as well. With only a little flop Lithauanias most private part got flopped out of his pants. He was hard, he already knew he was but it was confronting to see it like that. To his relief Russia closed the blanket around the two of them to cover them. Under the shelter of the blanket large hands with little rough spots from scars, frost or other hardships began to feel him up. Lithauania rested his head on Russias shoulder slightly panting.

He felt all kinds of misterious movements under the blanket that made his mouth fall slightly agape. He was done for, he couldn't take much more. Russia drew him close and began kissing his neck again.

Lithauania let out a cry of pleasure, pure pleasure. It felt so good.

Russia seemed to get it by now. A small smirk that revealed bad intentions showed he did. More passionately now Russia was grazing his teeth over Lithauanias neck, licking sucking blowing on it softly. At the same time he had pushed both their privates together and taken them in one hand. It mase Lithauanias one seem very small but Lithauania was too absorbed in it now. Lithauania was lost in it he was panting squirming and moaning in order to hold back. Somehow the touches on his neck drave him equally crazy as those below. As Russia felt something trikling his hand already he started sucking on Lithauanias neck hard. He was going to suck it out of him.

Lithauania didn't see clear anymore, he was so high on this he was about to faint. Instead of fainting he felt hot shots course trough him. Only too late he realised what happened. He fell onto Russia only to make his clothes dirty by pressing them against Russias stained chest. When he did this he suddenly felt Russia stiffen beneath him and then his clothes felt even more drenched. Russia of course, he as well.

"I'm sorry Toris, that didn't make much sense but your belt touched my... and I."

Lithauania was asleep. Russia caught his breath for a moment Then he picked up Lithauania and walked towards the bed the blanket draping behind them like a kings robe.

Sir braginski is going to rest. He Char of all Russia with his beloved. Ivan felt large, not just large but also powerfull again. He was Ivan Braginski, he was a victor. Because victory didn't mean remaining alive but also remaining who you are.


End file.
